new fave show: my SHOCKING story

a few weeks ago, oprah made the announcement that she had purchased discovery health channel for the purpose of turning it into some o-network shit. normally, such news would have left me reeling, devastated. however, discovery health, whose programming i once knew by heart, has faltered greatly in the past year or so and this oprah buyout, as a result, no longer upsets me. see, discovery health has weathered a one-two punch in the past year: one of the most eye-popping programs, MEDICAL INCREDIBLE, was cancelled, and dr. jan adams, host of plastic-surgery: before and after, was turned into a hollywood plastic surgery pariah following the death of kanye west's mother, for which he was apparently responsible. although this program had also been cancelled, the reruns, which were numerous, were played constantly. the news broke, then, and it was permanently pulled from air, with the exception of some weak, cobbled-together theme programs ('plastic surgery: best of facial reconstruction' etc. whoopty fucking doo).

so, yeah, discovery health is sucking these days. oh well. TLC, however, is kicking some serious ass with a show that has certainly upped the sideshow ante. 'my SHOCKING story' smartly does what medical incredible rarely addressed: the fact that, sometimes, when people are all fucked with a rare or bizarre condition, there IS no underlying story of healing and redemption. on 'medical incredible', the only story i can really recall that was honestly hopeless -- as presented to the viewer -- was the terrible story of a 19-year-old seattle woman whose muscles were slowly turning into bone. don't even try to tell me that girl is not completely fucked, discovery health! anyway, 'my SHOCKING' story' also profiles just one person for each hour-long segment, which means wayyy more time is given to medical consult and analysis. recent episodes includes the following:

-- TREE MAN -- a man with a wart infection so insanely bad that it caused gigantic, horn-like warts to sprout from his hands and feet. he looked like an ent. i have never seen anything like this.

-- 'MY GIANT FOOT' profiled a florida woman who, although she was not obese, had a localized case of lymphedema that caused her one foot to swell to NINETY POUNDS. hot shit! my roommate, who can weather crapola such as 'bad girls club' on a more-than-weekly basis, proclaimed this to be, finally, the television program she couldn't stomach. seriously, not for the faint of heart.

-- 'THE MAN WITH NO FACE' -- this could mean so many things! did he lose it in an accident? bad case of crouzon's? nooo, this portuguese fellow had a slow-growing hemangioma that weighed like 7 pounds and was basically a jiggly, pulsating sack of blood that had slowly eaten his skull. sad episode; he was really terrified of surgery. you know what? if i had a giant dangly water-balloon of a face, i'd probably be a little wary too.

also highly recommended: national geographic has finally returned with more episodes of taboo. yay TV!